If you're reading this on a device the abuser can see, the Quick Exit button at the top of the page replaces this tab with weather.com. Pressing Escape twice does the same thing. You can come back when it's safe.
This page is about the money and paperwork part of leaving — the part that often feels impossible because the abuser has been controlling the bank account, your credit, your phone, your access to documents. The good news: there is a real path through this. People do this every day. There are programs designed exactly for the situation you're in. None of them require you to have planned ahead.
Take what's useful. Skip what doesn't apply. Move at the pace that's safe.
If you need to talk to someone right now
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. 24 hours a day, every day. Free, confidential, translators in over 200 languages. You can text "START" to 88788. There's a chat on thehotline.org. The advocates have helped people in every imaginable financial situation. They are not going to judge. They are not going to tell you what to do. They are going to help you think through what's safe and what's possible.
The starter list
This is a list, not a sequence. Different people need different items in different orders, and what's safe varies. Many of these can be done quietly, while you're still in the home. The hotline can help you sequence them in your specific situation.
Documents
Make copies of: your driver's license, your Social Security card, your birth certificate, the kids' birth certificates and SS cards, marriage certificate, insurance cards, recent pay stubs, any prescription information, immigration documents if relevant, the lease or deed if your name is on it, a few recent bank statements, a recent utility bill (it counts as proof of address).
Where to keep the copies: with a trusted friend or family member, at work in a locked locker, in a small safety deposit box at a bank where the abuser doesn't have access, in your car if you have one. Some shelters will hold documents for you in advance.
Photos of the documents on a phone the abuser can see is risky — phones get checked. A separate, low-cost burner phone or a free cloud account on a work computer can hold copies safely.
Money
Even small amounts matter. Set aside cash where it won't be missed — many advocates suggest a small amount each week, in a place that isn't an account the abuser sees. Ask trusted family or friends to hold money for you. Some employers will route part of a paycheck to a separate account if you ask HR confidentially.
Open an account in your name only at a bank or credit union the abuser doesn't use. Use the account for the small amounts you set aside. Don't have statements mailed home — opt for paperless to an email address the abuser doesn't see, or have them sent to a trusted person.
A separate phone and email
The federal Lifeline program provides free or heavily discounted cell service to low-income individuals. SafeLink, Q Link, and Assurance Wireless are common providers. The phone is small enough to keep with documents. A free email account on a different provider, accessed only on safe devices, becomes your communication channel for advocates, lawyers, and benefits.
The Address Confidentiality Program (ACP) — most states have one — gives you a substitute address you can use on driver's licenses, leases, utilities, and government records. It's a P.O. box that forwards mail to your real address, but the real address never appears in public records. The state DV coalition (find yours at ncadv.org/state-coalitions) can help you enroll.
Credit
Pull your credit report at annualcreditreport.com (free). Look for accounts opened in your name without your knowledge — this is identity theft within an abusive relationship, and the credit bureaus treat it as identity theft (which can be disputed and removed). The Coalition Against Domestic Violence has staff who help with credit recovery; many state coalitions do too.
Place a fraud alert or credit freeze on your reports — it's free and prevents new accounts from being opened in your name. The freeze can be lifted later when you need it.
Benefits
Survivors qualify for SNAP, Medicaid, TANF, and other programs based on their own income — not the household income of an abuser. Many states have an emergency expedited process. The hotline can connect you with a benefits navigator. So can your local DV coalition.
If you have children, the kids may qualify for SSI on their own if they have a disability. Children of domestic violence survivors are often eligible for emergency food, housing, and medical care that the family wasn't getting before because the abuser was blocking it.
Housing
DV shelters are free, confidential, and don't require ID up front. Many have programs specifically for survivors with children, with pets, with disabilities, with limited English. The hotline can find one near you with availability.
HUD's Emergency Housing Voucher program prioritizes DV survivors. SSVF (for veterans) and rapid rehousing programs work too. The state DV coalition can connect you to the right program for your area.
Legal protections
An order of protection (also called a restraining order) is a court order telling the abuser to stay away. It's free to file in every state. Most courts have a victim advocate who helps you fill out the papers — you don't need a lawyer to file. Many domestic violence organizations have legal advocates who'll go to court with you.
If you're considering divorce, separation, or custody changes, talk to a DV-aware family law attorney. Many state legal aid offices have units specifically for DV survivors. The hotline can connect you.
Children
Going to a shelter does not cause you to lose custody. In fact, courts generally view a parent who removes children from a dangerous environment more favorably in custody proceedings, not less. Talk to a DV-aware family law attorney before any custody hearing. Most states allow you to seek an order of protection that includes the children, even if the abuser is the other parent.
What this is, what it isn't
This is a list of doors that exist. It is not a plan — your plan is something you make with people who know your specific situation, in a way that's safe for you. Plans that work usually involve at least one person you trust and one trained advocate. The hotline can be the advocate.
Whatever you decide — leave today, leave next month, stay and plan, stay and recover — it is your decision. The information here is for you to use however and whenever you choose. Nothing on this page is stored. Nothing identifies you. We are not connected to any agency or law enforcement.
If you need to leave fast right now: press the Quick Exit button at the top of this page, or press Escape twice. Take care of yourself.